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Dear President Bush: Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North east States, and the urban half of Ohio. We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and. In addition, we‚re getting San. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Chicks). Just so we're clear, the country of California be pro-choice, pro marriage, and anti. Speaking of, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don‚t care if you don‚t show pictures of their -' caskets coming home. Maybe II and Jeena volunteer for? So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would you to take Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?) Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You get well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.) We wish you all the best in the next years and we, really, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.. Sincerely, __________, California Zip Code:
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